Category Archives: Rambles

Girl Power Edit

The article’s ready for bed
So I took down the piece that was here
And give you this poem instead
In case the title wasn’t clear:

I’m writing an article
And one of it’s particles
Is a treatise on Girl Power
The old mans point of view
Sexist gibbers and spews
About deadly sweet lovely flowers


Throw another log on the fire

Another week, another article.

Slugs and Kisses is up for its ephemeral life. It’s weird. My article is the featured article, but the other four released today already have hits well into the 400’s, while mine just barely broke 100.

It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder if what I’m doing is really writing. I mean, really, it’s just some decklists, some meta information, and some event results. Held together by whatever happens to catch my fancy this week. which is sometimes not much, and sometimes grandiose gibberish.

I started writing “articles” originally because I’m dirt poor, and it was a way for me to pay for my cards. It still is primarily just that, except these days I have to convert to cash rather than use it to buy cards. I still only have 5 decks built since my last card liquidation.

Which happened because my ex-s dad died, and she needed emergency travelling money, and I’m not going to say no to that. If she can’t make the power bill, oh well. But a death in the family? Yeah. I’ll help.

Anyway, blarg. Happy December.

What is it about Legacy that you don’t like?

The very first thing that comes to mind when I think Legacy is the high entry cost. This is a relative thing. I’m sure there are plenty of people who can, and do, afford it. I’m so poor, I can barely pay attention. I understand that there a few (very few) “Tiered” Legacy decks that can be built for under $100 in a vacuum, notably RDW. I probably even have many of the pieces, both paper and online.

So I go to play some Legacy with my RDW deck, and get blown out of the water. Consistently. Every once in a while I might make T8, or better. But mostly, I lose. I get killed on occasion (not often, but enough) before I even draw. Doesn’t sound like fun to me.

Sure, I could buy more cards, and build a better deck. But when duals – not what we Modern (or Standard) players think of, but true dual lands that come in untapped with no penalty – run $35 a pop to start, for the “not played so much competitively” ones, in [REDACTED] shape, well… No, thank you. Even online, I might be able to afford it, if I worked hard, and saved up all my article credits instead of having to convert ’em to cash. Like I said, I’m dirt poor.

Those land prices will not go down. WotC has promised never to reprint them in paper again. Online, yeah. We already know what’s up there.

I also get a lot “down the nose looks” from Legacy players when I start talking about any format other than Legacy. I understand this. It’s a small club, and an elite one. But I don’t appreciate elitism and condescension. If you ever find me being elitist or condescending, please slap me.


Time NO coat of arms
Time is a fair sized town in Rogaland, Norway, in the Jæren region. It’s ranked #69 (waggles eyebrows) in population, according to Wiki.

Norwegians tend to look at time a little differently than the rest of the world. There was a television show, Bergensbanen*, which was a live broadcast of the seven hour train journey from Oslo to Bergen. When that little gem became a runaway sleeper hit, it was followed up by such gems as a twelve (12!) hour long fireplace/discussion on wood. This is also a country that puts mirrors on mountains so the people in the valley can get sunlight.

* There is a download link for the whole 7.5 hour, 22GB documentary at the bottom of page, if you’re so inclined. Or Norwegian.


Another turdlet onto the shitpile! Woo hoo! Black and Blue is up for it’s ephemeral run, and work on the next article (Classics) continues apace. The one after is still a sketch on a skeleton. I’m finding it easier and easier to flesh out these creations. I only call them articles because I don’t know what else to call them.

I went to a “poetry slam” last night and popped my cherry, in all public* poetic respects.  I brought a samurai sword to a poetic gunfight. It seems that writing to be read and writing to be heard are two totally different things. Words that look fine when read in minds eye does not carry the same tone when read aloud.

* (I consider this blog my mental pissoir, and don’t really feel like this place is “in public”, per se. You’re reading notes I’m scribbling onto the washroom wall of my brain.)

The stuff I was hearing last night does not read well. It hears very well, flowing into my subconcious, plucking at the underpinnings of my perceptions. It opened my eyes and ears to vaguely glimpsed new horizons, new vistas for my words to tumble incoherently.

And I need to break this habit of breaking my sentences into long comma separated strings.

A Quick Note About My Girls

I grow exotic fruits and vegetables in my closet, and in my garden during the summer. I have quite the green thumb, among my many other talents. All of my plants are lovingly cared for, killed, and consumed.

Since fruits and veggies come from a female gendered plant, all my plants are girls.

These are the “girls” of which I write when I write about the darker side. I want the simple act of harvesting a radish to become a depraved act, cropping a cannabis plant becomes a horrific murder, the sexing of sprouts becomes pedophilic perversion.

I Just Found These

In September of 2012, I took a solo thumb jaunt around the Buckle of the Barley Belt. Just me, my laptop, a cane, and a backpack. I spent a few nights on the ground, and a few nights in beds. It was fun. Anyway, I just found some of the stuff I wrote. Without further ado…

old canada


I’m jonsing to play a game
Which is why I went away
Hopefully in a while
I can abstain from play with a smile


Stars dancing slowly
The monkey sleeps inside me
Horses on my bed

[NOTE: I think this haiku came out really, really well]



I awake on the ground, sun in my eyes
I roll in the dew and look to the skies
My ancient joints creak as I slowly stand
My bleary eyes peer at the waking land
Birdsong slowly makes it’s way to my ears
As my eyes focus the source becomes clear
Naked in the meadow, I whistle back
Stretching and yawning, my back gives a crack
Aromas of nature waft through my nose
Honeysuckle, canola, and wild rose
I gather my clothes, reluctantly dress
Where I’ll go today, I can’t even guess
But surely I’ll find something to impress
Beauty in Canada’s great wilderness


The world’s largest teepee
The tunnels of Al Capone
Are cool things to see
Even alone
Maybe I’ll stay
And act bourgeois
Spend a few days
In the town of Moose Jaw


(To the tune of My Favorite Things)
Tall whisp’rin’ pines, and hot maple syrup
Red coated mounties perched high in their stirrups
Hard rubber hockey pucks shot by the wing
These are a few of my favourite things…


Dude, you’re getting a Dell!
I got one, and it’s swell!
A D620 beefed up a bit
It works and won’t quit
Sitting in Regina happy
Dinking around with my new used lappy
Next week I’ll install the client
The specs all seem compliant
I should be able to run my events
And not get myself bent
Out of shape from the lag
Of the desktop PC, an old Sempron hag

[NOTE: taking the lappy into the wilds was a mistake, and I picked up a “new” one on my way home]


Deconstructed Sonnet

Cold winds blow
Upon the prairie at night
Distant howls
The moon’s half face glowing bright

Inky sky so clear
My words can’t convey
Blackness unending
With diamond spray

Every coyote in the land howling
Everywhere coyote orgies growling

Combines throwing dust
During the hot days
Stalks wiry rust
Debris where it lay

Hoppers into augers into bins
Trucked to the elevator
Trains mourn plaintively
Wafts of diesel exhaust vapor

Every combine in the land thrashing
Everywhere combine orgies gnashing

In the buckle of the barley belt
Saskatchewans chequered veldte
Heaven can sometimes be felt
Accepting the hand you’re dealt


What Day Is It? Oh, Yeah!

Woo hoo! Another turd on the shitpile! The November 7 edition of The Slug’s Lair is live! Some of you that are following me here for my sick and twisted mind can see some of what I do to “pay the rent”.

Does this make me a professional writer? I still feel like a hack and poser. I don’t want to run off at the fingers now, for example. Although it wouldn’t be too hard to let them go on their merry way, I don’t have that urge right now. When the urge hits, it’s hard not to spew my guts onto the page. I think spewing my guts, and writing articles, are really two different skill sets. I don’t believe I possess either, but can fake ’em both well enough.

Patting Myself On The Back

mtg___classic_liliana_by_polishtamales-d4y974dDamn, I’m good!

I got Polish Tamales, a well known artist in the MTG community, to do a token card for Slugapalooza!  Pro bono, yet!  Which is a good thing cuz I’d never be able to afford to actually commission one.

A lot of the people that read my articles and play my events will have seen his work at ManaDeprived and/or LegitMTG.

I first ran into his work via Playboy, then later found out he did Magic stuff. I get a kick out of people thinking he’s a “lesbian that draws raunchy stuff”. His words, not mine.

And Another Thing…

I draw, too. Again, I have no formal training. I do have some OJT doing Technical Illustration (in conjuction with the Tech Writing mentioned in Simulating An Earthquake). I have been asked to “do something on the wall” at some of the places I used to play at oh so long ago. I think I do as well with a pen or pencil as I do with my words on the screen.

So the kids and I were talking about playmats, and it suddenly dawned on me. Hey! I’m a “personality!” Why can’t I make hand drawn Slug playmats and sell ’em? Perhaps even for a handsome profit?

I already have a metric shit ton of Sharpie markers in various colors. I can start with a purple, or a white, playmat. I’ll probably go white. I have to watch the bleeding, tho. Sharpie might not be the best, but it’s what I got.

I generally do ok when I go off on tangents like this in my life. We’ll see what this one holds.

My next article. The Slugs Lair: Underground, is due out in a few minutes(?). I’ll link it, and put it in Published Gibberish, and all the other places I advertise it,  when it goes live. It could be late if the webmeister is busy drafting or something. I kind of curious how that one is gonna be taken; it’s a bit of a departure from the norm, with a large chunk of “gonzo” coverage of a major Magic event, with maybe 3 sentences having a passing mention of Magic. Again, we’ll see.